THE LAST DITCH An Englishman returned after twenty years abroad blogs about liberty in Britain
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Three hours that will fix your character and soul?

3 HOURS THAT WILL FIX YOUR CHARACTER & SOUL - Jordan Peterson Motivation - YouTube

Firstly, let me wish you a happy new year. I hope 2023 proves to be a good one for you all. 
A friend sent me this video a while ago. He didn't say why. He sends me stuff to read or watch occasionally. Sometimes it's just a joke. Sometimes it's serious. I read it or watch it (or sometimes I don't). It's always an honest attempt to do something good – if only cheer me up. 
Women seem to believe that friendship is all about nurturing, supporting and encouraging and that most men are just plain bad at it. Men think that women are often bad at friendship too, but for a different reason. They sometimes seem to back a friend regardless of the wisdom of their chosen path. Many divorces, for example, begin with a discontent expressed to female friends being nurtured, supported and encouraged into steely resolve. None of my male friends initiated their own divorces or encouraged a friend to do so. In the unhappiest phases of my thirty-year marriage to the late Mrs P., several female friends suggested I leave her. No male friend ever did.
I have spent over a year in miserable solitude since Mrs P the Second left me in November of 2021. The conditional order for divorce was granted last month. We're currently seeking a consent order on finance before applying for the final decree. This I can handle but my relationship with my daughters  – the cracks in which emerged when I told them I planned to remarry eight years after the death of their mother – remains awful. I can't get past the verdict on me represented by their rejection.
My female friends' nurturing, supportive and encouraging approach to my sad situation can be summed up as;
There's nothing wrong with you. Stuff happens. Your daughters will come around. Get out there and find a new woman and all will be well.
My male friends' approach has been very different. After an initial "Sorry to hear that" they all – like this friend in sending me a video about fixing my character and soul – suggest I look to myself. That may seem unsympathetic but at least seeks to put the reins of my life back into my own hands.
Like much of Peterson's output, the video makes a huge claim. Choosing such a title helps his enemies by making him sound like the charlatan they would have us believe he is. At first I set it aside with a sigh. 
A few days ago, I half-watched it. I let it run in the background while I did other things. The occasional phrase caught my attention but his complicated ideas demand more concentration. Today I listened to it all the way through. I plan to play it a few more times and – as explaining something to others is often the best way to check proper understanding – I intend to share my thoughts about it here.
I do not seek to criticise your character or soul by directing you to it, gentle readers. If you have three hours to spare, I'd be grateful if you'd watch it then come back here to discuss it with me over the coming weeks.


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Well, Tom, I've had to give up on Dr Peterson. I finally battled through to an hour and 30 minutes before the declamatory style, closed captions and bits'n'pieces editing conspired to lead me to a decision that I couldn't deal with the remaining hour 30. I'm still a fan of his thinking - and when I need a smile, I just think back to his demolition of a hostile Cathy Newman on Channel 4 - but the video was too concentrated.

His message of "DO SOMETHING" is spot on and has given me some stuff to think about quite seriously.

Best regards



Your comments on divorce are interesting...

I got divorced from my first husband over 30 years ago. I started the divorce proceedings after he gave me the opportunity to initiate a conversation on his basis and expectations of marriage.

Without going into detail (publicly) he didn't believe in marriage and wanted something else.

I felt guilty about initiating the divorce and didn't talk to anyone about it. I thought all my friends and family would hate me. When I had done the deed, it was my male friends that spoke up saying they had wondered why it took me so long to break from my husband, they had known all along... It was my male friends that supported me during that difficult time.

Friendship is a long time commitment, whether it be between man and wife or two friends. Friendship is based on honest opinions and conversations and not one or the other suggesting cutting ties with another person. The conversations should eventually enhance deeper connections with the other person and only occasionally leading to severing ties.

After my first marriage encounter I was never going to get married again. But now I find myself just a few months away from 25 years of my second marriage.

I sincerely hope that you can repair your relationship with you daughters. The father/daughter relationship is special.


I am sorry to read that, Mark. The last thing I wanted was a confirmation of a personal impression. I would have been happier to be contradicted. It has to be worth a last try (couples therapy maybe?) to try to change Mrs C’s mind. So much time together should not lightly be cast away. In the end though, if her mind is made up, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Either way, good luck and I hope Peterson’s ideas help.


Women seem to believe that friendship is all about nurturing, supporting and encouraging and that most men are just plain bad at it.

Don't they just. Had this very discussion (again) last evening with Mrs C, who recently came back from a solo trip to India with a distinct attitude and shortly thereafter sat me down and announced that she's filing for a no-fault divorce......... after 32 years. Sure, the years of champagne and roses are behind us now, having disappeared with great speed in the rear view mirror, but together we're financially and socially better placed than apart. I've known for some time that she "reports back" to her two close female friends about our relationship and I also know she's not the most discreet - I don't know what trusted secrets have been shared and I'm rather glad, because I suspect I'd end up bloody annoyed. When I've asked her about it, she always says this thing about "women support each other" and "men are useless at asking for support because they don't have friends in the same way as do women".

My counter to her is that when she goes off telling her pals she's miserable, they listen to her partisan viewpoint and respond in kind. My judgement so far has been that what she gets from her "support network" is nothing to do with support and is more to do with approbation, given because that's how women support each other. A man in similar circumstances being given "support" by a male friend would just as likely be told to grow up and work it out. Had her female advisers said such a thing we might even have been able to repair things enough to get by in this, as we approach our eighth decade. We don't row, we don't dislike each other, we even have fun sometimes! We work together well and still enjoy a hug as a source of comfort.

I think she's been captured by media - her main source of news its the BBC. The BBC is my least used source of news! She referred the other day to our son (an intelligent, mature, thoughtful accountant with interests in military history and economics) developing right wing views - I nearly choked on my coffee.

So, yes, I'll watch Jordan Peterson. I admire him for the precision of his thinking, even on those rare occasions when I don't really agree with him. I'm sorry your daughters haven't been able to accept your needs in good grace, but I suspect this is again something to do with the female need to express approval and support (in this case for Mrs P the First) and strong disapproval of all else.

Apologies for a lengthy whinge! And may 2023 end more happily than it begins, for all of us. Very best wishes, Tom.

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