A break from blogging
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Mrs P's funeral was yesterday. The service was moving and beautiful. The Misses P made me proud by the readings they delivered over their mother's coffin and by their loving support, amid their own terrible grief, for their distraught father. As I watched their family and their young friends rally around them, I knew they will be fine, given time. There is no substitute for family and friends. Beware all charlatans who offer one.
Our families and our friends came together and celebrated her life. I thought my heart would stop when I threw a handful of earth and a flower into her grave, but - as you see - it didn't. I was told that some who tried to send her favourite flowers could not do so because I had cornered the London market. That made me smile. I always wanted her to have the best I could afford and those were the last loving gifts I could buy. My continuing duty to her now (as she made very clear) is to help her beloved daughters and her elderly mother. I will do it with pleasure as best I can. I will miss her wise guidance though.
Her earthly remains lie near the Katyn Memorial among distinguished Poles, including late members of the government in exile. Mrs P. spoke fluent Polish. We brought our daughters up during our eleven years in Warsaw. My clients and I (steered of course by Adam Smith's "invisible hand") did our bit to build the economy of post-Communist Poland. Somehow it seemed right. As the priest prayed over her grave, I knew a Polish lady very dear to her was also praying for her in Warsaw; the lady who first set her on her path to the faith in which she died. I also knew a good friend of hers I had never met was praying in a church in Corsica. She had told me she would and she texted me a picture of it as the cars took us away from the cemetery.
To my amazed delight, friends flew in from New York and Warsaw just to be there. We received flowers and touching messages from other friends in the United States and Russia who couldn't make it. I smiled to see a card in Cyrillic on a wreath and remembered Mrs P. practising her Russian skills on Aeroflot inflight magazines and in endless conversation with our (Ukrainian) driver. I am told a small UK cancer charity co-founded by her oncologist will receive gifts in her name from some unusual directions. It is wonderful to know that she was so loved outside our family too. I have many thank you letters to write and will do it in the coming days with a proud and grateful heart.
I have had other things to think about than blogging since she died, but I have read and have been moved by your kind comments under my last post (and by the direct messages I received from those of you who know me personally). I am still not in the mood to blog about the idiocies of the British state and its thugs and lackeys. I plan to drive around wild, beautiful Scotland for a few days, finding quiet places to sit and meditate over good whisky on how my life has changed. Maybe after that I will seek out every kilometre of unrestricted autobahn in Germany and clear Vittoria's tubes by maxing her out a few times. And then pootle back gently through France, remembering how we explored that country together in the last three decades and came - for all its foibles - to love it dearly.
Some calm, quiet reflection is required, so forgive me if the Last Ditch's little guns remain silent for a while. I will be back, when you will see how much bombast and overstatement Mrs P's editorial comments have spared you over the years. Thank you again for all your kind thoughts. The friends rallying around me here have reminded me yet again that cyberspace may be virtual, but is populated by real, kind humans.
You have been in my thoughts. I'm glad you are taking some time for yourself. My love and prayers are with you.
Dance in the stones by moonlight for me......
Posted by: Tris | Thursday, September 15, 2011 at 04:52 AM
Good Lord! Lady M is of that ilk? Well, I guess as a sometimes fairly dour man myself I have different tastes. I stood on the ramparts of the original building today, looking out to sea and picturing the arrival by longboat of the first owner 800 years ago. It's just about my favourite spot in the world.
Posted by: Tom | Friday, September 02, 2011 at 10:33 PM
Dunvegan Castle! MMM. I wonder if Lady Mac would remember her childhood home with the fondness you do. I think she recalls it as a cold drafty place filled with dour men and where she was not allowed to watch TV. But maybe time has softened the memory.
No Big Brother surveillance cameras in the Scottish Highlands? Drive safely my friend but enjoy Vittoria to the fullest.
Posted by: JMB | Friday, September 02, 2011 at 09:48 PM
Sounds like you had fun up there, but I am with Mrs P on both counts there.
BRoads, or good scotch whisky I guess a difficult call? If you were Roman then obviously... roads, nice staight ones.
A pict might see if differently.
I should quote the great Far East Movement:
"Where we goin' we don't need roads, roads
And where we stop nobody knows, knows"
They don't say "Where we goin' we don't need scotch" do they? Q.E.D. ^_^
Posted by: Moggsy | Thursday, September 01, 2011 at 11:30 AM
Amongst my people, nobody is truly gone as long as a life they touched continues. I never knew your dear wife but she still touched my life vicariously and therefore she lives on. It is not and never will be easy (thank God) to say goodbye to a loved one. She was your soulmate but her love will continue to be with you and your family, a reflection of the Love that has no end. I'm sorry but the pain does not go away but neither does the love. Take all the time you need and return when you are comfortable. It is one of the hardest tests a man must face but you do not have ot take this alone. Please accept my sincerest condolences.
Posted by: Michael | Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 11:37 PM
That's good thinking, Moggsy. However I took Vittoria to Islay on her inaugural run in 2008 http://bit.ly/nVBsDF and found that peaty soil makes good whisky but terrible roads. She has (of course) very little ground clearance.
I remember the CalMac boys were very helpful about getting me on the ferry (lying belly-down to watch and signal when the ship's movement brought the ramp level) but I was then overtaken on the island by a land rover and trailer as I tried to avoid grounding on the undulating tarmac. The incident was reported with amusement on an Islay blog http://bit.ly/pOih8U
So instead I drove a continuous 7 hours and 36 minutes (with refuelling pit stop) today to reach Dunvegan on the Isle of Skye - home of my favourite castle and only a few miles from the Talisker Distillery. Skye has better roads and can be reached without CalMac's assistance.
I was pleased with beating the computer's original ETA by a record 46 minutes. I also beat a personal record by overtaking 5 crappy MPVs on island roads in a single exhilarating manoeuvre (frightening the oncoming driver considerably, though I had lots of time to spare and could probably have taken a couple more had they been available). I can give no further details for fear Inspector Gadget might be reading and hasn't filled his detection quota.
As Mrs P. wouldn't go anywhere with primitive infrastructure and/or nationalism, there are also no memories of her in Scotland to trigger unseemly displays of emotion. Places we both loved, like France, will have to wait a while.
Posted by: Tom | Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 10:44 PM
I don't know what else to say that might be any use.
Then the stupid off the wall thought came that if you are thinking scotch then maybe you ought to be thinking Islay? ^_^
Posted by: Moggsy | Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 03:00 PM
That's lovely that it happened that way and a break is indicated now, of course.
Posted by: jameshigham | Monday, August 29, 2011 at 05:34 PM
Prayers and best wishes go with you. So little to say past that. Stay safe out there on your journeys, and come back to us.
Posted by: OldSouth | Monday, August 29, 2011 at 04:27 PM
Old chap, just imagine I'm sitting next to you on a bench somewhere, silently. You can just say anything you like and I won't mind.
Posted by: David Davis | Saturday, August 27, 2011 at 07:02 PM
I've not met you and only recently discovered your blog through Dick Puddlecote's link. His comment here was perfect: 'an impeccable eulogy'. It is an expression of love which will surely strengthen and inspire those who read it. May you and your family be comforted in the months to come.
Posted by: Norman Brand | Saturday, August 27, 2011 at 02:31 PM
How wonderful that so many came to help you celebrate Mrs P's wonderful if foreshortened life. My best wishes to you and the Misses P as you endeavour to go on without her love and wise counsel.
Hugs Tom.
Posted by: JMB | Saturday, August 27, 2011 at 03:02 AM
All the best Tom. Your wife was clearly a wonderful partner and mother. Have a great break and we will see you in the future.
Posted by: Colin Campbell | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 11:37 PM
My heart and best wishes go out to you and your family.
Posted by: Peter Whale | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 11:24 AM
You give such a sad occasion incredible beauty with your moving prose, Tom. Mrs P would be incredibly proud of her loving husband if she could read your impeccable eulogy.
Sincere best wishes to you and the Misses P from us. And although I'll certainly miss your writing, don't hurry back until you feel entirely ready. We are quite happy to wait while you recharge yourself after what must have been a traumatic couple of weeks.
Posted by: Dick Puddlecote | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 09:33 AM
I wish you all the best for your break. It sounds like a perfect plan.
Though I can't offer any supernatural comfort, you do have my heartfelt sympathy.
Posted by: Suboptimal Planet | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 08:36 AM
My thoughts are with you and your family Tom. What can one Brit say to another other than: Chin Up. (inadequate I know)
Savour the malt and your 'pootling' and the memories it will bring back.
Looking forward to your return.
David
Posted by: WitteringWitney | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 08:23 AM
I refrained from adding my most heartfelt sympathies on your previous post because so many had done so already. I do so now with tears in my eyes after reading what you have written today.
We all know, and we all say, "life goes on". Indeed it does, but it does so in a radically different way. Please enjoy your reflective, meditative trip as much as you can. I hope it will ease the pain a little, just a tiny jot, to know that so many of us who have read your scribbles over the years are genuinely affected by your loss and send you sincere good wishes.
Posted by: FatBigot | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 12:28 AM
With sympathy and respect, I wish you and your family well.
Posted by: Trooper Thompson | Friday, August 26, 2011 at 12:13 AM
I am so sorry, Tom and I am thinking of you and the Misses P. With love, Pat
Posted by: Welshcakes Limoncello | Thursday, August 25, 2011 at 11:56 PM